Comfort
by Kiterie
Summary: Death is reality for shinobi and they all have their own ways of dealing with it.


Title: Comfort  
Summary: Death is reality for shinobi and they all have their own ways of dealing with it.  
Disclaimer: I don't own and I never will.  
Warnings: Angst (NOT a deathfic) and fluff beware the fluff!  
Rating: NC-17  
Words: 6,989  
Dedicated to: Tova 50,000 Kiriban. I was going to do the NaruSai too but well this kind of completely took over my brain so I hope you like this, it's well a bit longer than 500 words like originally planned.  
AN: This was originally going to be 500 words... where did my 500 words go? THANK YOU to my betas Micah, DarkAuroran, and Ashytafang and OokamiKasumi (majorly awesome mentor of dooooom)

* * *

By all definitions, Iruka was clean. He'd washed his hair a dozen times already and his skin was starting to become chapped from the hot water and soap. Despite that he didn't feel like it, it still felt as though he was coated in blood. When he closed his eyes, he could see it coating his skin and when he opened them the enemy was still lurking just outside the corners and in the back of his mind. Death, like sickness, had a feeling. It clung to you and made you feel as though you were coated in it long after the blood had been washed away.

"You're going to rub your skin raw."

The voice was familiar and Iruka turned to look over his shoulder at the sound.

Kakashi stood slouched in the doorway, a towel around his waist, and another covering the bottom part of his face. The rest of his pale skin was flushed and his silver hair still wet, making it obvious he'd just come in from the hot springs.

Of all people, Kakashi had caught him. Shame washed over him and a blush heated his already warm cheeks. He quickly grabbed his towel from where it was draped over the low wall, wrapped it around himself and stood up. He glanced around the large tiled room at the low wall with the showers and the wooden stools in front of them. The bathhouse had been closer than home and the compulsive need to be clean had seemed more important than privacy at the time. He wished he'd held on just a little while longer and made it back to his flat. He reached over to turn the water off. "I'm fine."

The gray eye not covered by limp, wet hair looked Iruka over, the eyebrow lifting skeptically. "I can see that."

Iruka looked away; blinking, swallowing, and feeling worse the longer he stood there. It wasn't the first time he'd had to kill somebody in the name of the mission, but taking a life hadn't gotten easier with experience and he always overreacted. It just never got easier, he always over-reacted. Next to Kakashi, he knew he had to look pathetic and weak. "Excuse me, I should go."

Kakashi stood in the way, blocking the only exit.

Iruka moved forward to slide past anyway. He needed to get out of there before he made even more of a fool of himself in front of the other man.

Kakashi hooked an arm around his waist.

Startled, Iruka was thrown off balance. His eyes went wide and he brought a hand up to catch himself.

The surprise was enough for Kakashi to pull him into an embrace.

Iruka tried to push himself away. His muscles ached from the exhaustion brought on by running hard for three days with next to no sleep. Stopping to do more than catch his breath had been pointless since he couldn't close his eyes without wanting to scream and it was exacting his toll.

Kakashi, was also significantly stronger than him despite his slightly leaner frame and was apparently not interested in letting him go. "Iruka..." Kakashi stared at him with one grey eye, the other closed over the sharingan.

Confused, Iruka looked up to meet Kakashi's gaze. Even without being able to see the rest of his face, Iruka could tell Kakashi was frowning from the way he furrowed his eyebrows.

The panic was there in Iruka's chest, slowly closing his throat. If he didn't get out of there he'd fall apart right in front of Kakashi. Iruka didn't want to fall apart in front of him for more reason than the very simple fact he higher rank, though that did bother him. Reasons he didn't want to think about right then. Unfortunately he couldn't seem to gather the energy to put serious effort into his struggle to escape.

"...Stop." Kakashi's voice was even but he didn't break eye contact and his hold tightened just a little. His eyes softened and he sighed. Very carefully he laid his head on Iruka's shoulder and turned his face away.

Iruka's eyes went wide. Kakashi was hugging him. It was awkward, but it was most definitely a hug. On some level, he was mortified that he was apparently so soft, so weak, that the normally aloof copy-nin felt the need to comfort him. It hurt to be pitied that much, but that feeling was overwhelmed by everything else; Kakashi's even breathing, the warmth of his arms around him, and the absolute silence that filled the room.

He didn't know when the shaking started, only that it had nothing to do with how cold he suddenly felt without the hot water pouring over him. It wasn't so much that he relaxed as gave in. His entire body slumped and if not for Kakashi holding him he likely would have slipped to the floor.

Kakashi began rubbing slow circles over his back with one hand.

That's when the tears started. They built up from quietly sliding down his cheeks until they were outright sobs that shook his whole body, echoing against the tiled walls. Iruka unconsciously tangled the fingers of one hand in the towel covering Kakashi's face out of the simple need to hold on to something and he buried his face against it. The other arm he wrapped around Kakashi, pulling himself closer.

Eventually, Iruka stopped weeping, though by that time his head ached, his eyes hurt, and the sniffling persisted. It was about then that he realized he'd been wiping his snot on the towel Kakashi had been using to cover his face, which hung limp around the man's neck.

The embarrassment hit him and he froze all over again. "Oh, sorry," Fixing his eyes on Kakashi's shoulder, Iruka mumbled, uncertain if he should turn away or simply close his eyes. Kakashi's cheek was just barely visible in his peripheral vision as it was. "I ruined your towel." He wasn't entirely sure what the story was with Kakashi always wearing a mask and nobody else that he knew had any idea either. They had their theories of course. Iruka felt bad for getting the impromptu mask covered in snot but he wasn't sure how he was supposed to handle it right then. He still felt too scattered to think.

Kakashi pulled back a little and turned his head to look at him. "It's fine." He reached up to brush Iruka's hair out of his face, tucking it behind his ears. "Feel better?"

Nodding, Iruka did his best to be polite and not look at Kakashi. "Thank you."

"Mah... I couldn't let you leave like that."

Iruka recognized the embarrassment in the tone and turned to look at Kakashi in surprise before he could stop himself. Their eyes met and his cheeks warmed even more. Realizing his mistake, Iruka stepped back and looked away. "Sorry. I didn't mean... d-didn't think... uh damn, Kakashi, I'm sorry. First I ruin your towel and then..."

Kakashi chuckled softly under his breath then grabbed the towel, pulled it free from where it hung loose around his neck, and tossed it into the basket by the door. "I already said it was fine."

"But..." Iruka looked up, brow furrowing slightly.

Kakashi slight leaned to the side and a look towards the other room. "We should go get dressed."

A little baffled but willing to let the issue go, Iruka headed into the changing room. Shelves lined the walls and low wooden benches sat in front of them. Following Kakashi, Iruka collected his clothes from their shelf only to have them taken from him. "You just said-"

"Sit down, sensei," Kakashi cut in.

Iruka did as he was told and sat down on one of the benches, some of the earlier shame and embarrassment returned.

Kakashi set his clothes to the side on the bench. Gently he laid a hand on Iruka's shoulder and stepped around to stand behind him.

Iruka's gaze dropped to stare at the floor and he tensed, the touch against his raw skin stinging slightly. He balled his hands into fist and forced himself not to move. The coolness of healing chakra slid over his skin and Iruka shivered. It felt nice which made him want to start crying all over again. He hated that. The ache in his chest made him feel sick to his stomach but he swallowed hard and ignored it.

Kakashi's hands slid down the raw skin of Iruka's back. Under the soft green glow of chakra that lit his palms, the redness slowly faded. Kakashi spoke softly. "If the situation were reversed or it was one of your students in your position, what would you do?" He gently kneaded the tense muscles under the repaired skin.

Iruka sighed, feeling slightly better. He arched his back, leaning into the feel of Kakashi's thumbs sliding down along each side of his spine. The tension eased a little and Iruka let out a ragged breath. "The same thing."

Kakashi rubbed Iruka's back a little while longer, working the muscles in his lower back and then shoulders. Moving to stand in front of him, Kakashi took Iruka's arm and slid his hands over them with the same minor healing jutsu. He rubbed down each arm after then knelt down and did the same to Iruka's legs up to the edge of the towel. "And you would assure them there's no shame in accepting help or comfort from a friend?" His lips tugged down slightly at one corner and his brow furrowed slightly with concern.

"Of course not but..."

"But what?" Kakashi stared at him levelly, his hands resting lightly on top of Iruka's knees.

"It's just-" Iruka wasn't sure how to put it; Kakashi was stronger than him and that it made him feel weak. The fact that he admired him only added to that, he didn't want to be pitied, "-You're...you."

Kakashi's lips thinned slightly and he frowned. "Ah... Kakashi of the Sharingan, cold, heartless-"

"No." Iruka shook his head hard. "That's not what I meant." Although he had implied it at the chunin exams, even then he'd known it wasn't true. Kakashi had given him advice and protected him more than once. The man wasn't cold, he was simply good at keeping his emotions in check. Iruka had never been good at that and it he knew it was his failing as a shinobi.

Standing, Kakashi moved away. "It's fine."

Iruka followed him up and grabbed his arm. "That's not what I meant!" he repeated a little more forcefully, not dropping his hand and half afraid the other would pull away. "You're...amazing. Everyone knows that-" It was common knowledge he was the strongest of their generation, and Iruka was... Well, a chunin. "And I-..." He shook his head. "I couldn't even keep it together long enough to make it to my apartment."

Kakashi stopped and turned to look over his shoulder at Iruka. "I don't always either."

The admission made Iruka smile, albeit weakly. "That's actually reassuring right now." It was far less humiliating even if logically he should have realized it before. Iruka smiled and dropped his eyes, which drew his attention to the fact that he still had his hand on Kakashi's arm. Pulling it away, he reached up and rubbed a finger across the scar on his nose and his face warmed.

"So..." Kakashi drawled, his tone lifting to a more cheerful one.

Iruka looked back up.

Kakashi was smirking. He canted his head slightly, raised an eyebrow. The smirk became more of a grin and there was the barest hint of a laugh to the tone."I'm 'amazing'?"

Iruka dropped his hand to his side and took a step back. His face heating even more, Iruka looked away. Kakashi was laughing at him, but he had said it even if he hadn't exactly meant it like that. The fact that it was true and that Kakashi was extremely attractive only made his face burn. In a desperate attempt to change the subject, he mumbled, "We're supposed to be getting dressed."

"Or," Kakashi turned fully and took a step closer to Iruka. "We could work on _distracting_ you as a-?" He took another careful step forward and hooked a finger under the top edge of the towel around Iruka's waist. "-Form of comfort. You did say that it was alright."

Iruka's breath caught and the muscles of his stomach tightened where Kakashi's finger touched him. He was starting to feel like cornered prey, but the still rational part of his brain said he was only being teased. Iruka raised his hands to Kakashi's chest to push him back but found he couldn't. He couldn't, not because Kakashi was resisting being pushed, but because he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Touching him served to remind Iruka that other than a towel Kakashi was naked and all but pressing up against him and he swallowed, his heart racing a little faster. "That's not exactly what I meant, and..."

"And?"

_And_ he could couldn't think of an 'and' since his ungrateful and extremely unhelpful eyes wouldn't focus on anything other than Kakashi's slightly parted lips. _'__Does he have to lean so close?'_ Iruka wondered. "It's... We're... Uh..."

Kakashi leaned forward, his lips brushing Iruka's cheek for a moment in the process. "What?" His free hand slid along the back of Iruka's arm.

The light stroke sent a shiver through Iruka. He should pull away, _really_...

Kakashi chose that moment to trail the tip of his tongue along the edge of Iruka's ear. He dragged it slowly over the skin then blew lightly on the damp skin.

All of Iruka's thoughts slipped away. "Nngh..." Iruka swallowed, trying to get his voice to cooperate, _trying_ to get his brain to cooperate.

Tugging on the towel, Kakashi pulled Iruka a fraction closer then latched onto his ear and scraped his teeth across the lobe.

The feeling of teeth brushing lightly over the edge of his ear sent a shiver sliding down Iruka's back and he gasped at the sensation. He'd never realized before that his ears were ticklish or that _that_ could be arousing.

"If you're worried about being interrupted," he purred, "I know someplace we can go?"

Iruka was so caught up in the gentle, teasing way Kakashi was nibbling on his ear that what the man said barely even registered. Iruka nodded without consciously considering what had actually been said.

Kakashi hummed an acknowledgement then ducked his head a little and continued the nibbling along the underside of Iruka's jaw. "Stay right here." His kisses trailed under Iruka's chin and then up to the chunin's lips.

Iruka shivered at the brief brush of lips, his lips parting unconsciously.

Kakashi pulled back. He rubbed Iruka's elbow lightly with his thumb and smiled. The corner of his lips curled up. "I'll be _right_ back." He stared at Iruka for a moment then slid past a towel from a rack beside the door, Kakashi wrapped it around his face and slipped out.

Turning, Iruka watched him go, still trying to gather what was left of his wits. He stood there, his heart racing hard in his chest, eyes wide, and his mouth still hanging open. He stared, confused, having momentarily forgotten the mention of going anywhere along with any notion of saying no. He closed his mouth and chewed on his lower lip.

Iruka debated the idea that it was a joke but realized that was extremely unlikely. That look, the lack of a mask, the kiss... Iruka wouldn't put it past Kakashi to tease him but he couldn't really see him pulling a prank like that. He didn't want to be alone right then so focused on pushing the lingering reservations and bits of anxiety away. It was obvious he didn't need be. Iruka smiled and closed his eyes, trying to get his nerves under control. Rubbing a finger across his scar absently, he tried to will the last of the redness from his cheeks.

Gentle yet powerful arms slid around Iruka's bare waist and Kakashi spoke softly against his ear. "I'll take the fact that you're still here to mean that I have your permission to distract you?"

The fact that Iruka hadn't noticed Kakashi's return only made the blush he'd just managed to get under control return with renewed force. Iruka lowered his hand to Kakashi's shoulder and turned to smile at him. Apparently, they were leaving the changing room to go wherever Kakashi intended. "Weren't we going somewhere?" he asked, only barely managing to keep the nervousness from his voice.

Kakashi reached past him, set something on the shelf and purred. "Mm... come with me, sensei." He released Iruka long enough to tie his headband over his eye then took Iruka's hand to pull him towards the door.

Iruka focused on his breathing and let himself be led out and down the hall towards the onsen's private baths. He tried to ignore the fact that it would be obvious to the staff they passed what their intentions were.

They stopped in front of an open door of a private room. Natural light spilled into the hall from a second open doorway across the room, lighting the bamboo floor and turning it from the soft yellow brown to a nearly a gold. An antique chest of draws set against the far wall and a wardrobe filled most of a second.

Iruka swallowed, suddenly far more nervous than he had been. He'd never been in one of the private rooms and seeing it now he realized it had to be expensive. As simple as the room was, it was obvious the furniture had been chosen with extreme care. Even the tatami on the floor were of the highest quality and looked as though they were rarely stepped on.

Inside the room, a young woman was setting a tray - the contents of which were hidden by a light blue towel - beside a futon that sat on a raised wooden frame at one end of the room. The woman bowed to them then headed down the hall, leaving them to their privacy.

Kakashi gently pulled Iruka inside and slid the door closed behind him. "There. Now nobody will walk in on us."


End file.
